Feelings and changes.

This is just another random string of thoughts and ideas that comes to mind. To be honest, nothing makes sense now. If I had any idea how life works, well, i.ve lost it. Mainly because of how people work. […] Stuff happen. We adapt. Priorities change and so do we. When it comes to things we can control, we have a certain comfort. (i.e. I take care of my computer or my TV, I have the comfort of knowing I can use them when I want. It.s an outcome that I can control) That.s both good or bad. You can change things and be happy about it. (i.e. I got bored of using a laptop, I.ll buy a gaming station. Or. I.ve had it with this Nokia, I.ll buy an Iphone. Again. Things you can control.) You will never make a change that will make you sad. And that’s great ! It.s a saying on 9gag: „Things are the best !” – because they can.t hurt or disappoint you and you using them gives you only good outcomes. That.s why we use them and sometimes take refuge in them.

Yet everything changes when it comes to people. You live in a certain way, right ? Then somebody comes along and messes your whole world. You experience something you never felt before. Take a best friend of a girlfriend/boyfriend for example. You.ll never be the same again. After that you meet a colleague or somebody that will give you a perspective you never saw before. Again, whole world changes. You get addicted to this feeling and this way of life and you desire people that can give you this drug-feeling. This drug is actually the people that have an idea about their lives and they are in control. You want to live like them. Be like them. And that.s great ! You.re evolving !

But the most fucked up thing that can happen is seeing those people leave your life. For various reasons. Fears, timing, priorities, distance, job, you name it. They leave and all you have left is a big hole of empty emotions and feelings you don.t want to feel. What do you do ? For starters, you try to understand why they left. If it.s because of you, then you know what to work on. If it.s because of them… well, then you.re fucked. I understand why people make some decisions and take some actions. And I respect those decisions. (Matter of fact, it.s not hard to understand people (or women). If you can see what drives a person towards something, than the only thing that can vary is the course of action.) But even so, it.s either a narcissistic thing people do because it.s in their nature (to some people), or is a general humanity flaw. Meeting people who change your life and leave you hanging for no reason. We all like pleasant memories and when we tell a story, we re-live all those good emotions. When people leave, all we have left are memories and that craving of wanting those good times back.

I hate people leaving. I get why they leave and how things are changing, but for that I still hate it. I.ve been dealing with people leaving my whole life. Feelings of abandonment. Some of these you felt too. A friend getting married, moving to another city or worse, dying. That wound needs to be patched. But why ? Why can.t people stay in each others lives and live it at the fullest ? You can click with a new person in a few minutes and feel like you know her for your whole life. These people that control their life should have different settings when interacting with people like them. They should not be allowed to leave of break a relationship. These people are rare. They deserve each other.

Oh, and one more thing. I.ve learnt that the only two things you can change in your life are your thoughts and your behaviour. Everything else is dust in the wind. But for that I will still like plans and controlling some aspects of it. I know what I want and I.m not afraid to ask the questions. I received maybe one „yes”s to a thousands „no”s. But I will keep going. People will leave and I will suffer. I.m aware. I live with the hope that the good ones that are in my life won.t leave. It.s a false hope, I know. But I.m naive and I wanna dream about perfect scenarios. And furthermore, make those scenarios my realities. People are the best and I.ll do my best to keep them close. If they choose to leave, I’ll follow them. Hell, stalk them even. But at some point holding on does more damage then letting go. I just hope people will see this before it.s too late.

4 thoughts on “Feelings and changes.

  1. I try to tell myself that people play their part in other people’s life and then they keep going on their paths. It’s a miracle we sometimes intersect and connect with each other. That’s beautiful. And we are able to do this again and again. But first, we have to learn how to beautifully let go… And that is hard.

  2. It.s a shame that the feeling of connection and awesomeness between two people it.s lost. It.s one of the better things in this world and we don.t get to enjoy it at the fullest.

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